Reminders For Your Motherhood Journey

It’s often been said that “when a child is born, so is a mother.” Motherhood is such a life changing, identity shifting, unique experience - it involves emotional, physical, and hormonal changes, lots of adjustment, and a ride on an emotional roller coaster for sure.Many mothers will say they could have never fully prepared themselves for the multitude of emotions they felt during pregnancy and beyond.

Societal expectations for mothers unfortunately can contribute to conflicted, guilt-ridden feelings about the many choices they must make their children - from pregnancy, to childbirth, feeding, sleeping, working inside or outside of the home, the list goes on Our society could do a lot better taking care of mothers.

Women are offered so many medical appointments during their pregnancy but there is one single appointment reserved for post-partum women, 6 weeks after childbirth. There are so many adjustments and periods of transition that occur after that point in time, and we cannot expect that mothers will take it upon themselves to reach out for help or support. In fact, there is often a pressure felt by new mothers to “have it all together” or to “appear put together” which means they are probably much less likely to reach out for support. 

We at Live Better Therapy Solutions feel passionate about supporting our mothers (and fathers, too!). Check out some of these reminders for your parenthood journey:

Parenting is hard. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t love every moment.

There’s no training manual for motherhood/parenthood. Truth be told: it’s HARD work. We often hear parents of older children sharing their advice (many times unsolicited advice), which includes statements like, “It goes so fast! Make sure you enjoy every minute!” and “Don’t blink! Before you know it, they’ll be all grown up!” 

This can lead to mothers feeling guilt for not “enjoying every minute.” The truth is, you can love being a mother, AND still not love every minute. It is not practical or realistic to expect that you could love every minute of anything in life. 

Mom guilt is real and normal. You’re not alone in feeling it.

Many moms expect to feel joy and happiness in motherhood, but the truth is there are waves of various kinds of emotions that emerge in parenthood. Guilt is one emotion many moms will say they did not expect to experience. Guilt in parenthood is often linked to a perceived sense of not doing enough as a parent, not doing things right, or feeling pressure to make “the right decisions” for your child. Additionally, mothers may feel guilty to prioritize their own needs, take time away from their baby/children to engage in self-care activities, or leave their children with other caregivers/daycare settings. While experiencing some feelings of guilt can be normal, it becomes problematic when parents feel so consumed by this feeling that it interferes with their ability to have balance and self-care. Excessive preoccupation with guilt can lead to or exacerbate underlying symptoms of postpartum depression/anxiety disorders. Some tips to combat guilt include sharing responsibilities, utilizing your supports, and recognize irrational thoughts (e.g., “Returning to work will harm my baby’s development”).

It's important to acknowledge that dad guilt is very real too. Any parent who is facing challenges trying to balance their role as a parent with other roles in their lives, is vulnerable to experiencing guilt. To the contrary: maybe you are a mother or parent who doesn’t feel guilt about having alone time, or for going to work. This is perfectly okay too! Every parent’s experience is different. It’s important we don’t send the message that parents are “supposed” to feel a certain way in a given situation.

Embrace the messiness of motherhood, there’s no such thing as a perfect parent.

There will always be more to do – more laundry to fold, more groceries to buy, more homework to get to – the reality is, parenthood is messy. It’s common for parents to feel “all over the place” and to feel behind on things. With social media being so common, it is also common for parents to compare their behind the scenes with the “picture perfect” portrayals of families they see on social media. Remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect mother. Leaning in to the discomfort that things will inevitably feel messy and “never complete” can save a lot of stress and can even feel freeing at times. Take the pressure off yourself with a simple reminder that no one has it all together, all the time.

You don’t have to do it all, or be it all, for everyone. 

Many moms and parents alike want to be able to do it all. However, this is simply not practical. Embracing social supports and accepting help can be a critical factor in your wellness as a mother/parent in general. Being able to remind ourselves that we are deserving of self-care, rest, breaks, and help, makes all the difference in our own well-being as moms.

It’s okay to say no sometimes and to set limits.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Extended family want to visit with the baby but you’re feeling exhausted? It’s okay to say no! Kids want to stay up later than normal but you’re needing some time alone with your spouse? It’s okay to set limits! Having reasonable boundaries minimizes the likelihood you’ll feel burnt out or resentful as a parent. Putting boundaries in place and sticking to them are a necessity for a well-balanced life.

Parenthood isn’t a competition; you can decide what works for you and your child/family.

We are overloaded with messages about what choices to make for our children even before they are born. Breastfeeding or formula feeding, family help or daycare, co-sleep or sleep train, work from home or at the office, the list is endless. The truth is, YOU decide what works for you and your family. There is no better mother for your child than you, and you know your child better than anyone. Parenthood isn’t about keeping up with the other parents, it’s about making decisions based on what you feel is best. Notice when you find yourself making comparisons to other parents or questioning your choices when others have different viewpoints. Remind yourself it’s okay to decide what works best for your family without the approval of others.

It’s important for you to take care of your needs too, and this will only make you a more attuned parent.

It’s often been said that “you can’t pour from an empty cup!” This goes hand in hand with topics referenced above, including your own self-care and boundaries. One thing we know to be true, is that the more you take care of yourself, the better you’ll be able to care for your baby and family. Make time for the things you enjoy and that bring you fulfillment.