Navigating Big Decisions: Relationships, Career, and Identity in Your Twenties and Thirties
Early adulthood can be an exciting yet challenging phases of life. You may find yourself navigating uncharted territory—figuring out your career path, managing relationships, and trying to understand who you are as a person. These are significant life milestones that can bring about not only growth and self-discovery, but also anxiety and uncertainty.
The Pressure to Have It All Figured Out
In your mid-to-late twenties, there’s often a societal expectation that you “should” have your life together. The pressure to have a stable career, a healthy relationship, and a clear sense of self can be intense. Social media often amplifies this pressure, as it seems like everyone else is living their best life. But the reality is, many people are still figuring things out.
This pressure can manifest in various ways—feeling like you’re falling behind, questioning your choices, or wondering if you’re in the right relationship. It’s essential to recognize that these feelings are normal. It’s okay to not have all the answers right now.
Career Uncertainty
One of the most significant challenges at this stage in life is making decisions about your career. Whether you’re in your first job, considering a career change, or trying to climb the ladder in your current field, the uncertainty can be overwhelming.
You may find yourself questioning whether you’re on the right path, doubting your abilities, or fearing that any wrong move could set you back. This anxiety is often rooted in the fear of uncertainty or making the “right” choice. Maybe what we thought we wanted isn’t feeling as fulfilling. Maybe the career is meeting some needs, but not others. Understanding the difference between a job, career, and calling, can help individuals align their work with their personal values, passions, and long-term goals.
A job is typically viewed as a way to earn money and meet immediate needs; it’s often task-focused and may not provide a sense of long-term fulfillment. However, it can help you focus on practical benefits like income or gaining experience while they seek something more meaningful. Distinguishing a career from a job helps people recognize when they are investing in a field that offers growth, satisfaction, and a sense of purpose over time. A calling is deeper—it’s work that aligns with your values, passions, and purpose. Understanding the difference here helps individuals find fulfillment beyond financial or status-based rewards, often leading to greater life satisfaction and well-being.
Remember, it’s okay to take your time to explore different options and make changes if necessary. Your career is a journey, not a destination, and our values/priorities may change at different points in our life.
Relationship Challenges
Romantic relationships are another significant area where young adults often experience anxiety. Whether you’re single, dating, or in a long-term relationship, navigating love and connection can be complicated.
If you’re single, you might feel pressure to find a partner and settle down, especially as friends and others around you start getting married or having children. If you’re in a relationship, you might be grappling with questions about the future—Are we ready to move in together? Should we get married? Is this the right person for me? How do I know this is “the one”? These uncertainties can lead to anxiety, especially if you’re unsure of your own needs and desires. It’s important to remember that relationships, like careers, are complex and ever evolving.
It is also important to note that while it has become “easier” to find connections online via apps and other services, this convenience comes with its own set of challenges. Ghosting, mindless swiping, and decision fatigue can take a toll, leading to feelings of frustration and burnout. Taking breaks and setting boundaries around time spent on these apps can be beneficial. By stepping back occasionally, we give ourselves space to reflect on our needs and goals, ensuring that we’re engaging in the dating process in an intentional way.
In young adulthood, friendships often undergo significant changes as we grow, evolve, and navigate new phases of life. As we pursue different career paths, move to new cities, or enter new relationships, the dynamics of our friendships can shift—sometimes growing stronger with shared experiences, and other times drifting apart as our priorities and interests change. This period can feel bittersweet as we learn to let go of friendships that no longer serve us while also recognizing the value of deeper, more meaningful connections. Understanding that this is a natural part of growing older can help reduce anxiety and open us up to new, fulfilling relationships.
Understanding Your Sense of Self
Perhaps the most profound challenge of this life stage is understanding who you are as a person. Your twenties are a time of significant growth and change, and it’s natural to feel uncertain about your identity as you approach your thirties.
You might find yourself questioning your values, beliefs, and what you want out of life. This existential anxiety can be unsettling, as it forces you to confront big questions about your purpose and direction. One great resource for this is a set of worksheets that can be used in conjunction with The Happiness Trap, which is based in ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) that clarifies values.
While it can be uncomfortable, this self-exploration is an essential part of personal growth. It’s through this process that you’ll begin to understand yourself better and make more informed decisions about your future.
Strategies for Managing Anxiety with Big Decisions:
Embrace Uncertainty: Recognize that uncertainty is a normal part of life, especially in during this time. It can be easy to think ahead about what might go “wrong” or what you might lose, but also consider the other outcome of what you can positively gain from new experiences.
Set Realistic Expectations: It's easy to get caught up in what you "should" be doing by a certain age. It is important to remind yourself that these timelines are often self-imposed; there is room for flexibility.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself…we know, it’s easier said than done. But how you talk to yourself matters. Speak to yourself as you would to a close friend who's feeling uncertain or anxious. Recognize that making mistakes or changing your mind is a part of learning and growth. For additional information on this, check out Dr. Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion.
Build a Support System: Surround yourself with people who support you, whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist.
Prioritize Self-Care: Create daily routines that promote well-being, such as regular exercise, healthy eating, mindfulness practices, or simply getting enough sleep. These habits can help ground you during times of uncertainty.
Break Down Decisions: Big decisions can feel overwhelming. Break them down into smaller, manageable steps. Focus on the next right step rather than the entire journey.
Seek Professional Help: If your anxiety feels unmanageable or persistent, consider reaching out to a therapist. Therapy can provide a space to explore your feelings, understand the root of your anxiety, and learn tools to cope. If you’re interested in scheduling a consult call with our practice, please contact us at 856-497-3178 or use the contact page to submit an inquiry.
Finding Your Path Forward
This time is a unique phase of life—one that is both challenge and an opportunity for growth. While anxiety might be a part of the journey, it doesn't have to define it. Seeking help, through therapy or other support systems, can make a significant difference in managing anxiety and finding your path.