How People Pleasing is Impacting Your Mental Health
Breaking Free from the People-Pleasing Trap
Do you find yourself putting the needs and desires of others before your own? Do you find yourself seeking validation and approval from those around you? If so, you may be caught in the people-pleasing dilemma. In this blog post, we will delve into more into self-worth, self-esteem and explore strategies to address this.
It is not uncommon to believe that our self-worth is dependent on, or impacted by, the opinions and acceptance of others. This mindset can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, and a need for validation. However, by understanding and embracing our own value, we can begin to set healthy boundaries, prioritize our own needs, let go of the need to please others and live a more confident and authentic life.
Signs of people-pleasing
Difficulty Saying No: Frequently agreeing to requests even when you’re overwhelmed or unwilling.
Fear of Conflict: Avoiding disagreements or expressing opinions to keep the peace.
Seeking Approval: Constantly looking for validation or reassurance from others.
Neglecting Personal Needs: Prioritizing others' needs over your own, often to your detriment.
Apologizing Excessively: Saying sorry often, even when not necessary or at fault.
Avoiding Criticism: Changing your behavior or opinions to avoid disapproval or criticism.
Overcommitting: Taking on too many tasks or responsibilities to avoid disappointing others.
Feeling Responsible for Others’ Emotions: Believing it’s your job to make others happy or prevent them from being upset.
Discomfort with Praise: Feeling uneasy or unworthy when receiving compliments.
Lack of Boundaries: Struggling to set and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships.
Self-Worth Tied to Helping: Feeling valuable only when you’re helping or doing things for others.
Suppressing Emotions: Hiding your true feelings to avoid burdening others or causing conflict
Understanding self-worth and people-pleasing
At the heart of the people-pleasing is a struggle with self-worth. With people pleasing, we believe our value is determined by the opinions and perceptions of others. This external validation becomes the primary driver of our self-esteem. The more we can do for others, or the happier other people are with us, the better we feel about ourselves.
True self-worth, however, comes from within. It is the unwavering belief in our own inherent value, regardless of the opinions or actions of others. When we cultivate self-worth, we recognize that our worth is not contingent on the approval or acceptance of others. We become empowered to make decisions and take actions that align with our authentic selves and our personal values.
The negative impacts of people-pleasing on self-worth
When we base our self-worth on the opinions and perceptions of others, we become vulnerable to the whims and judgments of those around us. This can lead to a sense of insecurity, as we find ourselves seeking approval and validation from others.
Furthermore, the act of people-pleasing can be emotionally and physically draining. As we stretch ourselves thin trying to accommodate the needs and desires of others, we often neglect our own well-being. This can result in feelings of burnout, resentment, and even depression. We may find ourselves feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and unable to prioritize the things that are important in our own life. Over the long-term, this could lead to inauthenticity. We may find ourselves living a life that is not truly our own, trapped in a cycle of self-sacrifice.
Strategies to break free from people-pleasing
Breaking free from the people-pleasing dilemma requires a conscious and intentional shift in mindset and behaviors.
One of the first steps in this process is to cultivate self-awareness. Take the time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Identify the patterns and triggers that lead you to people-please and explore the underlying beliefs and fears that drive this behavior. By gaining a deeper understanding of yourself, you can begin to challenge the negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs that have developed.
Another crucial step is to identify and set healthy boundaries. This may involve having difficult conversations, setting clear expectations, and learning to stand firm in your decisions.
Values identification. By identifying one’s core values, individuals can begin to make decisions and choices that align with what truly matters to them.
Practicing self-care is also essential. Make time for activities and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment and learn to find satisfaction in your own accomplishments and successes.
Finally, surround yourself with a supportive network of people who value and respect your authentic self. Seek out individuals who encourage your growth and self-expression, rather than those who may push/violate boundaries.
Living authentically
Overcoming people pleasing is challenging, but a helpful step in the growth and healing process. By learning to accept your true self and prioritize your needs and desires, you can begin to live a more values-aligned life. As always, know that support is available by talking with a licensed mental health professional.